How to Get What You Want from the Doctor – Good Patient, Bad Patient

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Both patient and doctor have expectations of each other.  Expectations can be dangerous.  Very few of us get our expectations satisfied.  So we’re pissed off.  So is the doctor.  Hospitals are trying to educate their doctors in empathizing, giving a kind pat or a good word.  Still, unconscious hopes are still firing the situation.

Another unhappy problem is that, of course, your doctor wants you to be a “good” patient, one that doesn’t ask a million questions and follows orders.  Doctors have a distinct dislike for patients who don’t get well on time.  At the same time, patients no longer want the doctor who couldn’t get him well on time.

It seems that doctors do not really want to treat patients with head or back problems because the treatment could be complicated and the patient is already stressed from the constant pain.  It has been found that the doctors like problems such as glaucoma, pregnancy, asthma that have standard healing procedures that work.  Patients, surprisingly, were OK about their oncologist because they could imagine how difficult it is when you know you ultimately are not going to be cured.  They empathize with the doctor’s position.

What is familiar is that when doctors get a patient with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome – things that are not straight forward.  They hate it when they can’t immediately diagnose problems like that.  It makes them angry at the patient who is sick and tired of being told it’s in her head.  If it’s in our heads, then the doctor can say that it is not his/her problem.

What we can do improve the tension is to tell the doctor that we understand that our problem is not easy to deal with.  Understand that you are taking up valuable time, but ask him if maybe he could suggest something that maybe doesn’t cure, but improves the situation.  Be kindly, Be psychiatric.  Be a therapist and put your doctor under your care so he can care for you.

Being overweight is not popular anywhere, even in the doctor’s office.  They feel scornful for a situation that could be avoided but comes with attenuating circumstances that they don’t feel they should have to deal with.  They do think that the overweight patients were lazy and loved being sick.  We can counteract this bias by bringing the subject up right away, saying “I know that my weight is complicating the situation and people often think we’re sloppy and stupid.”  That diffuses the tension and the doctor then has room to feel some compassion.

If we can agree that both sides have expectations and disappointments of each other, we can feel more alike and more positive endings will occur.

The “good” patients are the ones who listen carefully and are very respectful while the doctor talks.  Older people can be “good” because they don’t even know if they are allowed to express a concern.   The doctors feel that “good “ patients nod and look like they understand what is being said and ask few questions.  They respect the doctor’s time constraints.  Obviously there are many of us that infuriate the doctors with being outspoken or downright contrite.

Often times patients cannot afford to comply with prescriptions because they don’t have the money and they are ashamed to admit it.  So the patient gets no medicine and when he sees the doctor again he lies about his behavior so the doctor doesn’t get mad at him.  Sometimes the need to change our lifestyle is too much to ask all of a sudden but the communication between the two parties is making everything a lie and no one gets better.

The bottom line is to get what you want, you must believe in your brain that you are both equally intelligent, caring people and no one wants to hurt the other.  That’s when our work begins.

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