Temper Tantrums and toddlers go hand in hand.  Whether they are going through the “terrible twos” or have long past them, a melt down here or there is inevitable.

The first step is to give your child choices. Limit the choices to two things and make sure that neither of the two is something that you did not what to give your child in the first place.  Secondly, if your child refuses both choices don’t give in with a third choice.  Toddlers need to be given some sort of boundary or the tantrums will continue until he/she gets exactly what they want 100% of the time.

The second step to minimizing a tantrum is to be inventive.  Make your child think that what you are asking them to do was their idea all along.  Let your child feel in control of what he/she is doing.  Allowing them to feel that they made the decision themselves will make the next time that a choice must be made easier.

Another consideration with choices is communication.  Be to the point with the two choices.  Don’t make them too complicated.  If what you are asking your child to choose to do is too complex, he/she is likely to either continue the tantrum or get frustrated and then you have a bigger problem on your hands.

Consider avoiding places where tantrums have been known to start in the first place.  An example is an arcade or indoor playhouse.  If you know that your child has had frequent tantrums in such places, on days that you are busy or the trip is meant to be short, stay away from these “hot spots.”  Use such places as a reward for good behavior.  Before entering the facility remind your child about why they have been allowed to play there and that they need to continue the positive behavior to have permission to stay.

When it is time to leave, it is time to leave!  Try to avoid repeatedly telling your child that they have 5 minutes left.  This confuses the child and allows them to get their way while you are standing at the door with your coat on sweating to death.  Give them an initial 5 minutes and at the 2 minute mark give them a warning so that they know that the time is almost up and they will be more prepared to leave.  There may still be a fuss but reinforce the idea that he/she will not be able to return if the arguing and tantrum continues.  Remember, don’t give in.  If it does continue, tell your child that the next time they are invited to do something or want to return they will not be allowed to do so.

Tantrums can be a parent’s worse nightmare.  They are not easy to deal with and are often embarrassing.  With calm and collective choices and perseverance, slowly tantrums will become a thing of the past.

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Filed under: Discipline

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